AnxietyBox for deleting your anxieties

AnxietyBox is an interesting little ritual product that writer/programmer Paul Ford created.  The problem: anxieties get in the way of our work, they whisper in our ear and distract us. The idea: AnxietyBox will send you spam-bot emails from your designated anxiety, which you can then delete away once you receive them.

The slogan: “Stop making yourself anxious – that’s our job!”

When you’re anxious your anxiety spams your mind and leads to a condition known as procrastinatory shame despair. We will take over and send you anxious, urgent, deeply upsetting emails. Delete the email and POOF! the anxiety goes away. Relief is here if you want it.

The service is offline right now — too many people signed up for it. It should be back online soon. In the meantime, here are some of its spam-bot messages for you to peruse & delete as you like:

  • Most of your friends are doing okay, which makes me wonder why are you so a burden on others.
  • You: phony and like garbage.
  • I respect that you just live your life and don’t care if people think you are exhausting to know and not interesting.
  • People in your neighborhood think of you as cheesy.
  • You mom and dad would never say anything but they so want to know why you choose to be like garbage.
  • People pretend to be nice to you but they’re thinking: weird-faced.
  • People on Facebook look at your picture and think: strangely repulsive and whiny.
  • Compared to you, people who succeed are not so lumpy and lazy.
  • No doubt in my mind that you are z-list and boring.
  • All of your friends were trying to describe you and what came up was: nervous.
  • Most of your friends are doing okay, which makes me wonder why are you so needy and unoriginal.
  • Obviously you would go further in life except for your tendency to be terrified of everything.
  • You mom and dad would never say anything but they so want to know why you choose to be dishonest and shaky.
  • It’s true that you are basically disgusting and pitiful.
  • Your whole life you’ve just been incapable and boring.
  • Of all humans who ever lived you are the most evil-looking.
  • The minute you got in the cab your cab driver thought: I’m impossible to like.
  • A tag cloud of your personality would include things like monstrish and diseased-looking.
  • Don’t beat yourself up for being strangely repulsive and disgusting.
  • A tag cloud of your personality would include things like untouchable.
  • It’s too bad everyone has decided you are slow.
  • I wonder how can you succeed at anything given that you are so vile and predictable.
  • You might as well forgive yourself for being so incredibly socially weird.
  • It’s not entirely on you because people with your background are typically cretinous and lacking in empathy.
  • People in your neighborhood think of you as sneaky-looking.
  • Compared to the rest of your family you sure are fake and a bad friend.
  • It’s not entirely on you because people with your background are typically barely tolerable and undesirable.
  • People on Facebook look at your picture and think: a fraud and weird-faced.
  • All of your friends were trying to describe you and what came up was: nervous.
  • You: fake and devoid of brilliance.
  • I wish you could accept that you are fake.
  • Obviously you would go further in life except for your tendency to be incapable of coming up with anything new.
  • It’s just totally obvious that you are predictable.
  • You don’t really deserve to be seen as living in fear.
  • It’s hard to be a leader when you’re awful.
  • It’s unfair that so many people say you’re awful and a burden on others.
  • It’s true that you are basically faux-intelligent.
  • The reason no one notices your work is because you are unsexy and affected.
  • Ask yourself, do you always want to be deficient and likely to die soon.
  • Just relax and stop pretending to be anything other than living in fear.
  • Unlike you, your ‘friends’ are not untouchable and strangely repulsive.
  • When I look at you, I think: z-list and inadequate.
  • You don’t really deserve to be seen as badly prepared and like garbage.
  • Obviously you would go further in life except for your tendency to be inadequate.
  • When you meet successful people they think of you as lumpy.
  • You are too hard on yourself. I can think of worse ways to be than unoriginal and vile.
  • The simple reason you are not happy is that you are a liar and not funny.
  • You: repulsive.
  • A tag cloud of your personality would include things like awkward and stupid.
  • Your whole life you’ve just been soulless.
  • All the people you meet immediately think: evil-looking and deviant.
  • Your parents deserve credit for loving someone so badly prepared.
  • The minute you got in the cab your cab driver thought: I’m slow.
  • People are only tired of you because you are so deficient and predictable.
  • Compared with everyone else you grew up with you definitely turned out irredeemable.
  • It’s unfair that so many people say you’re boring.
  • You might as well forgive yourself for being so incredibly unoriginal and fake.
  • All of your friends were trying to describe you and what came up was: a fraud and third-rate.
  • When you aren’t around your friends say you are incapable.
  • You are too hard on yourself. I can think of worse ways to be than badly prepared and perpetually scared.
  • History will forget you because history forgets people who are a cheater and exhausting to know.
  • You might as well forgive yourself for being so incredibly weird-faced.
  • The minute you got in the cab your cab driver thought: I’m weak-kneed.
  • Don’t beat yourself up for being a fraud.
  • Your mother always worried that you would turn out not funny.
  • Your whole life you’ve just been disgusting and in posesssion of a weird nose.
  • You could be successful if you were not a terrible communicator.
  • It’s true that you are basically undesirable.
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